Intergenerational conflict

CALD Child and Adolescent Mental Health Resource

eCALD Supplementary Resources

Intergenerational conflict, that is, between parents and children, between parents and grandparents, and between children and grandparents, is very common in Asian, Middle Eastern and African families (Potocky-Tripodi, 2002). Intergenerational conflict between parents and grandparents is explored in the section on ‘Intergenerational and interethnic family relationship issues’. This section will explore the conflict between parents and children, and children and grandparents.

Intergenerational conflict is due largely to different acculturation rates between the generations, meaning that the different generations adopt the norms of New Zealand society at different rates, resulting in different expectations of behaviour from parents and grandparents (Matsuoka, 1990).

Many Asian/MEA families maintain close ties with family members in countries of origin and therefore the concept of family is transnational. Physically distant family members have a significant influence on parenting and child rearing practices, and on decisions about health care and family dynamics.

The following framework is useful for providing a general understanding of the range of intergenerational conflicts faced by most Asian migrant families.

Assessing intergenerational conflicts tool

Adapted from Pettys & Balgopal, 1998 cited in Potocky-Tripodi, 2002 pp 316-318).

Adolescents	Parents	Grandparents (In NZ and in home countries)
*Gender Roles*
Expectations regarding education, work, household tasks, dating, discriminating rules	Decision-making, careers, roles for children, who cares for grandparents?	Expectations of education and careers for children; who will care for them as they age?
*Respect*
How much assertiveness is tolerated by parents? How do I respect parents and grandparents and still disagree with them? Am I viewed as aggressive by other members of my migrant community?	How do I encourage assertiveness without losing the respect of my children? How do I be assertive in my career and with New Zealanders? How do I deal with New Zealanders who do not show respect?	How much assertiveness from children and grandchildren should be tolerated? How do I maintain the respect of both my children in New Zealand and in my country of origin?
*Power Shifts*
How much influence do aunts and uncles have over me? What role does tradition and religion have in guiding my future? How much say do I have in my own future?	How much influence do my parents have over me? What is my role with siblings? How do I empower my children without losing them to “kiwi” culture?	How can I set different expectations for my children in New Zealand and in my country of origin? What is my role with the grandchildren? What kind of prestige comes from having a family in New Zealand?
*Life Cycle*
How does identity change across the life cycle? How do I incorporate the best of both worlds as I mature? How much of my traditional culture do I want? How much of the new culture do I want? What models do I have to learn from? How can I fit in with my peers without showing disrespect to my parents?	How does identity change over the life cycle for me and my children? Have I prepared my children to be ethnic New Zealanders? How do I prove to my parents that leaving my country of origin was a good idea? How do I prove that I will remember my culture and heritage? What role should I play in choosing a spouse for my children? What is my role in helping them find a career? How do I maintain discipline?	How does identity change over the life-cycle? How will aging children and grandchildren maintain their identity? Have I prepared and taught then enough?
*Triangulation*
In what way am I caught in the middle between my parents and grandparents and their conflicts?	In what way am I in the middle between my children and grandparents? What must I do to maintain their relationship?	In what way am I caught in the middle between my children and grandchildren and their conflicts?
*Westernisation*
What does it mean to be a “Kiwi”? How much New Zealand identity do I want to incorporate into my identity? How do I avoid aspects of New Zealand culture while living in the culture?	How much westernisation is unavoidable among children? How do I avoid negative western values (eg individualist values) while living in New Zealand?	How much western culture should be adopted by family living in my country of origin?

Intergenerational conflict related to children and adolescents

The major source of intergenerational conflict is differential acculturation. This is particularly true in relation to migrant children and adolescents. Immigrant and refugee background children learn English and New Zealand culture before their parents and grandparents. Children are often given adult responsibilities and placed in the role of interpreter/translator in relation to dealing with schools; health care and social support services etc. Role reversal may lead to a lack of respect by children of their parents and grandparents. Children will follow the norms of behaviours of their peers which may be upsetting to parents and grandparents.

Parents may be so overwhelmed by the stressors of the migration process that they are unable to provide emotional support to their children and may turn to their children for emotional support themselves (Athey & Ahern, 1991).

Intergenerational conflict and gender role expectations

Another source of conflict between children and parents/grandparents may be gender roles. Parents may have gender role expectations for their children that are incompatible with behaviours the children need to function effectively in New Zealand society. For example, parents may expect girls to be quiet, obedient and subservient, whereas assertiveness, initiative, independence and competitiveness are needed in order to achieve in school (Potocky-Tripodi, 2002). When faced with these contradictions, girls may rebel at home. Parents may place more restrictions on the behaviours of daughters than sons, leading to resentment by girls, particularly in comparing themselves to their peers.

Maintaining parental discipline

Parental discipline of children is often problematic. The long hours that parents spend at work in order to support their family may lead to children being without parental supervision for long periods (Matsuoka, 1990). Intergenerational role reversals may result in a loss of parental authority over children. Children soon learn that some kinds of discipline eg corporal punishment are considered child abuse in New Zealand and some use this knowledge to threaten to report their parents to the police. Parents should be encouraged to attend parenting programmes, for example Incredible Years Training to learn new parenting practices.

Intergenerational conflict with grandparents

Conflicts are likely to arise between grandparents and grandchildren, and also between grandparents and parents, because grandparents may disapprove of the parent’s new child rearing practices (Carlin, 1990). For example, conflicts about what language should be used in the home are common. Grandparent’s lack of English language ability makes them highly dependent on younger family members, adding to the increased likelihood of conflict.

Asian cultures place a high value on filial piety, which refers to children treating parents with a high degree and respect and taking care of them in their old age (Chang & Moon, 1997). In Asian cultures, older family members are wise advisors. However, this status is lost, since their life experience is seen as irrelevant to living in New Zealand, leading to a lack of respect by younger people.

Life Cycle Issues

A major developmental task of adolescence is identity formation. CALD migrant adolescents frequently experience substantial conflict regarding their ethnic identity. For Asian/MEA migrant children, the task of forging an ethnic identity is compounded by competing demands from two cultures (Potocky-Tripodi, 2002). Whereas at school and with their peers, children are rewarded for westernising as quickly as possible, at home new habits and behaviours are discouraged.

Adolescent’s reactions to ethnic identity conflict may vary. Some may reject one culture or the other, effectively removing themselves from interaction with members of that culture. Some may develop a heightened sense of ethnic/religious pride, often in reaction to experiencing racism and discrimination. Others will experience alternating periods of identifying with one or the other culture and some will selectively choose elements from both cultures to fit their circumstances (Gopaul-McNicol, 1993). This is considered to be the ideal outcome (Potocky-Tripodi, 2002).

Asian, migrant and refugee parents have expectations for high academic achievement for their children (Carlin, 1990). Some children faced with migration stressors, refugee resettlement, the developmental tasks of adolescence, ethnic identity conflicts and pressure to succeed are at risk of developing mental health problems arising from multiple stressors.

Ann An, 19, moved to New Zealand as a child with her parents from China. "If I said I felt fully Chinese I would be lying, because I see myself more as a New Zealander". Parents want children to carry on their ethnic values and identity. Strict parenting styles may be perceived as being authoritarian. Youth identify more with their peers in a new country than their family. This may lead to complicated relationships and negotiations with their parents. Children balance parent’s/grandparent’s expectations; and want to be like Kiwi friends. Migrant parents fear losing children to the new culture but want children to have a better life.

NZ Herald (May 18^th 2016).