East Asian Communities

Chinese communities

Relationships and expectations

Understanding Chinese community perceptions of victimisation and their meanings and disclaimers can help identify situational factors that both promote and prevent family violence. For example, there is an underlying “moral code” that exists around what situations justify the use of violence.

Traditional Chinese cultural values and religious belief systems can be viewed as the “glue” that governs thought processes, social relationships and normative conduct, all of which can impact on family violence disclosure and the acceptance of intervention (Lum, 1999).

Confucian values emphasise conforming to principles about social relationships. The husband/wife relationship is an important relationship that is marked by a distinctive authority structure where husbands are the head of the household, and wives are to be obedient and subservient with the sole purpose of keeping the family intact (Ho, 1990; Xu et al., 2001).

According to Confucius:

“Woman yields obedience to the instructions of man, and helps to carry out his principles. . . When young, she must obey her father and elder brother; when married she must obey her husband; when her husband is dead, she must obey her son”.

In-law conflict

In-law conflict has particular relevance for Chinese women. A study of Chinese women in Hong Kong shows that in-law conflict is the characteristic most significantly associated with women’s reports of violent victimisation in the family (Chan et al., 2008). Several risk factors for in-law abuse were identified in the study including (Chan et al., 2008):

• Higher education of the husband.
• Unemployment of women.
• A woman who earned more income than her husband.
• Women’s abuse of alcohol and drugs.
• A husband’s in-law conflict was strongly associated with women’s in-law conflict.

Implications for practice

Practitioners need to be alert to in-law abuse as an interfamilial form of family violence.

Case Study: Lin-Bao

The case study of Lin-Bao shows an example of health services providing critical intervention and support through referral to a Women’s Refuge (Ministry of Women’s Affairs, 2007a, pp 218-222).

Lin-Bao experienced physical and psychological violence from her mother-in-law. Her case demonstrates the social façade which hides violence, and the degree to which the relationship between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law dominates relationships between husbands and wives.

Lin-Bao is Taiwanese. She married to a Taiwanese man, Liu-Shao. The marital relationship deteriorated as Liu-Shao changed from a mild-mannered caring partner, to an abusive controlling, and often absent husband and father to her children.

Life in Taiwan

Lin-Bao worked as a nurse. She knew Liu-Shao’s family for nine years before she married him. Her mother-in-law saw Lin-Bao as a suitable match for her son. She treated Lin-Bao with great warmth and affection when Lin-Bao visited Liu-Shao’s home before their marriage. Lin-Bao married Liu-Shao in 1989, when she was 25 years old. Lin-Bao lived in the same house as her mother-in-law and sister-in-law.

However, the marriage had established a new power relationship between Lin-Bao and her mother-in-law. After her marriage Lin-Bao’s mother-in-law became a completely different person. Lin-Bao told interviewers that, “Until you become part of the family, it is hard to tell how people will turn out.” While in Taiwanese culture it is common for mothers-in-law to be domineering and controlling, Lin-Bao’s situation was much worse. Her mother-in-law had a different personality in public and in private. Lin-Bao found that two-faced aspect most difficult to deal with because even her own friends and family were not prepared to see the truth.

Liu-Shao was also abusive and controlling from the beginning of the marriage. Her husband told her:

“Now you are my wife and you have to do everything for me that I ask – because you are my wife.” She found that he treated her as his property. Lin-Bao said that he did whatever he liked and that he could [throw her] out whenever he wanted to. Lin-Bao said “His family does the same thing as well, and he supports his parents to do the same – even his siblings. He supports them against me. So that means everyone is allowed to take my money or pay for things with them. So I felt quite miserable …” (Ministry of Ministry of Women’s Affairs, 2007a, pp. 219).

When Lin-Bao was pregnant with her first child, her mother-in-law abused her both physically and verbally to such an extent that she nearly had a miscarriage.

“I was sent to an emergency room because the foetus was going to drop out. I have bleeding and my mother-in-law just yells out, “Is it a boy or a girl?” My ex-husband [was] just standing next to her smiling but doing nothing” (Ministry of Ministry of Women’s Affairs, 2007a, pp. 220).
Lin-Bao wanted to move to another city as a way of getting out of the family home. She bought a new house with some money from her parents and, together with Liu-Shao and the children, they moved in. This did not mean that she had got away from her mother-in-law though. Lin-Bao’s mother-in-law would summon Lin-Bao to come to the family home and do the cleaning and washing. Lin-Bao would have to drive three hours, often after working a night shift at the hospital, to be at her mother-in-law’s early in the morning to do her housework. If Lin-Bao did not do it, her mother-in-law would complain to her husband who would then become angry with her and beat her.

Liu-Shao beat Lin-Bao when they had arguments. Mostly their arguments were about his mother. Her mother-in-law stirred up trouble between the couple. She did not like it if she found them getting on well. His sisters too were jealous and tried to sow dissension between Lin-Bao and Liu-Shao.

Lin-Bao found an advertisement about immigration to New Zealand. She calculated that she had enough points to qualify for permanent residence. She applied to Immigration New Zealand, but did not tell Liu-Shao until it was time for the interview. After a successful interview, Lin-Bao put the options before her husband. She made it clear she was going to New Zealand and that he was welcome to come with her. If he wanted to stay with his mother instead, Liu-Shao was free to do so and he could file for dissolution. In 1995, the couple moved to New Zealand. Liu-Shao stayed only a week before returning to Taiwan.

Life in New Zealand

Liu-Shao visited every six months but when he came, he “made life hell” for Lin-Bao. Lin-Bao suffered from depression. She did not see a doctor because she thought that, as a nurse, she could control it herself. In 1999, after a big quarrel, Lin-Bao attempted to take her life with an overdose of sedatives. She called her best friend, who sent her to a doctor who immediately referred her to the emergency department of the local hospital.

Hospital staff contacted Women’s Refuge. Lin-Bao stayed in the refuge with her younger son for one week. The day she returned, Lin-Bao says Liu-Shao was “very cruel”. A person from the refuge had dropped her off at her house and her luggage was on the drive-way. Liu-Shao returned from shopping and drove over the luggage.

Thwarted Plans

Lin-Bao decided it would be better to move to the USA to work. Liu-Shao decided to settle in New Zealand and look after the children himself. He told the children horrible stories about “9/11” to frighten them. Lin-Bao decided she would proceed with her plans for working in the US and resolve issues relating to the children from there. Once she began working, Liu-Shao demanded money from her to support the children. Lin-Bao thought it best to pacify him until such time as she was able to take the children to the US, so she sent Liu-Shao money for his and the children’s needs. After a few months, Liu-Shao phoned her and told her he could not live in New Zealand and he had decided to return to Taiwan. He left their children with her friends in New Zealand and returned to Taiwan.

Lin-Bao was in a desperate situation, she had to sacrifice her job and return to New Zealand. On her return to New Zealand, Lin-Bao was horrified to find that Liu-Shao had left her with huge debts which she had to pay. Based on passing the US qualifying exams, the New Zealand Nursing Council gave her a certificate to practise nursing. With the certificate Lin-Bao got a job in a hospital, organised childcare for her children and began to work full time.

After her divorce was finalised, Liu-Shao returned to New Zealand. Publicly, Liu-Shao continued to behave as if he was Lin-Bao’s husband. He came to her house whenever he felt like it. He would discuss their divorce in front of the children. They would become upset. Liu-Shao acted and spoke to the children in a way that alienated them from their mother. Lin-Bao did not apply for a protection order because she felt it would only upset her children more.

Reflections

Lin-Bao thinks the most important barrier for her in getting help was the people around her: “One of my friends said ‘I don’t think you are a good woman. You shouldn’t stand up against your husband’ ... so now I can say I have isolated myself from our community. At this moment I have a job, and a lot of Kiwi friends and they are very supportive, but I have only got two friends from our society supporting me.” (Ministry of Women’s Affairs, 2007a, pp. 222).

Women in the Taiwanese community encouraged her to stay with her husband because a divorcee is looked down upon. Lin-Bao thinks women in her community do not know about Women’s Refuge or the help they can get when they are in an abusive situation. She found out about Women’s Refuge only because the hospital referred her to a Women’s Refuge.

Korean communities

Relationships and expectations

In Korean culture, women are expected to be subservient to their husbands. The concept of Sam-Jong-Ji-Do’ which forms the basis of cultural perceptions of women’s roles states that a woman needs to obey three people in her life. Before marriage, she has to obey her father, after marriage her husband and when they have a son, she is obliged to obey the son (Ryu, 2010).

Wives are expected to stay at home and are responsible for household tasks. Husbands are the financial providers for the family. Husbands have final decision making authority and the power to enforce their decisions. As in all Asian societies, children are expected to defer to parental wishes (Byung-Soo Seol, 2008). This strong patriarchal ideology around gender roles, especially if a woman wishes to seek work outside the home, can lead to considerable conflict.

A Korean proverb says “a wife needs a good smacking every three days” (Ryu, 2010). It is believed that women deserve to be “smacked” as they are more prone to making mistakes. This legitimises partner abuse as a way of disciplining wives and makes it culturally acceptable in Korean society (Ryu, 2010).

Saving face, social discrimination

Saving face is a crucial part of Korean culture, if breached there are harsh consequences for women. Accordingly, women continue to stay in abusive environments or delay leaving until the last possible moment.

Women leaving violent marriages can expect little or no family support:

“People said women need to be blind for 3 years, deaf for 3 years after marriage, so that became my thinking also. I was worried the rumour might be spread all over town and my friends if I divorced in Korea. In Korea, people don’t treat divorced women as human at all if I divorced there. Even my own family wouldn’t accept or support me. If a woman divorced in Korea, she can’t even get invited to other’s wedding (Flora).”

“I had only one friend to help me. Nobody was there except her. Even my own family couldn’t help me. My family was more scary…I’m eldest daughter so they had very high expectation. They thought it was very shameful for the family. I didn’t know that there are support services available. Nobody told me at the time (Flora).” (Ryu, 2010).

Pressure from religious leaders to remain married

Conservative religious teaching is a major barrier to separation and divorce for those who have a religious background. In Korea, religious leaders may encourage women who are victims of partner abuse to stay in abusive relationships. Victims are advised to be more tolerant towards their husbands. If women want to divorce, they are advised to ‘run away’ to other countries.

“My family is Christian family so I couldn’t talk about dishonourable things like divorce in a Christian family. My mother in law was a deaconess in a church but she was very controlling of me through my husband. She attended the worship but I was not allowed to attend as I needed to do house work when I was living with her (Biggie).” (Ryu, 2010).